22 february, 1996

22 February, 1996

I love connections
after web class looking over life stories:

bob's violin page
julia me
balky's Memories of a Strike or the Bleak Generation
mike'sMike
joan, about herself
mariah's autoBe
andrew's life
nick's autobio
dominic yours truly

in Physics 25: Search for Reality
with wacky John Boccio
Einstein's theory of relativity
screws up sequential time
but not cause and effect
yet,
that's next week.

(that's like non-linear narrative!)
in history of consumption,
we outline
ethnic, subculture stereotyped goods
blacks, jews, yuppies, mall chicks, geeks, wasps, white trash, gays
I observe modern urban youth
drawing from a broader range of culture
to compose themselves as they see fit

people pounce on priviledge:
who can choose?
only people like you justin.
but who eats bagels? burritos? wears pagers? smokes marijuana?
you can't pin this stuff down anymore,
increasingly so.

a permanent marker in the dining hall
Ben's brother Nick makes lunch tray art

out pours
a heartfelt protectionist piece
for 24 hours of democracy

I ate too much sugar
went to a one man moby dick interp
slept through half
awoke for cool effects
harmonicas nailed to a board whirled over his head
for sound - the final Pequod swellowing ocean current.

drugs again
invited outside pub nite
for whippits
nitrous oxide
not so body wrecking remembered
so I indulge
I find the ritual indulgent
this party's not good enough sober
we're leaving to do our own thing
cuz we're cool like that
with only enough for us

amazing
a young man first semester
recalled travels to india
stupid westerners go there to smoke pot
act stupid
now he's slinging and smoking
ever more than I
today he's got more acne
and his laugh has changed

human parties like hell
smoky dinny
people desparately craving oblivion
sucking blissful on smoke tool phallus
mainiacal screams and hysterical laughter
shadows and demons dancing
noise precludes conversation

a lack of honesty.
and hunger lain bare
too loud to talk
so
only gettting fuct up
and increasing seeking to placate increasing physical longings
amidst this moralized morass
I find friends
linger long with Sasha
just west of tipsy
strokes my hand in leaning conversant
how to be real touch pleasure relationship
noise closeness like cheeks brush too often
spoken spiritual kept us honest
poetic promises over e-mail
that's the thing,
I stave off sex
but half hard
I know that cant of shoulder
and knee, hip
wherein
whoo boy
hard to stop
harder after too beers.

the tagonist enters
a room full of bryn mawr
hallmates of hanna stotland
parker veteran
here was a girl
who developed a physical adversion to my high school
a documented medical reaction
never got her diploma
after years of
she's a bryn mawr student
seemingly still bitter;
are you justin? from chicago? who went to parker? with the web page?
these women expected me to be a preppy jerk
hanna rants about me when she's upset
based some on Chandra, they say,
I recall eighth grade orgasm simulated tauntings
and high school classroom transgressions -
she read the newspaper
distracting in a class I cared about
I spoke to her about it, got her story
shared it with the teacher in constructive effort
hanna never forgave me
these girls too find her tauntable

hanna suffers
too smart for the world
encourages funmaking
affirms her feelings of distance
it's too easy
show compassion
help her through the pain
of being a beautiful sharer.

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